writings from a stage.
January 10, 2001, 10:00PM

(pretend you can see the badly scetched wooden school chair here)

I dont' pretend to do everything that i do exceptionaly. However, my imperfections shouldn't stop me from atempting.
If something i atempt would one day bring glory to God for some reason or another then the atempt was worth far more than perfection.

I wouldn't call myself an artist
I don't consider myself a poet
I don't feel right called teacher
I won't say i'm a dancer
I've never been much of an actress
I simply do what i can with what i've got...

If what i produce expresses anything i've ever felt or learned, it is an expression of me, and God sees that as GOOD.
I am tired of being lazy with the gift of arts.
God gave me a pasion for music, for words, and for an empty wooden chair in a spotlight that i wanted to remember tonight...
God grants me the ability to sharpen what skills and passions i have, its just that so many have been neglected for so...so long...

(the piano professor enters to play on stage. change perspective to a conversation with God. enter new thought.)

How many others use this room to come to You? Who would have imagined...a performance hall transformed into a constant worship experience. Well, You imagined it. THIS is why You created music and us, Your musical people!
You're using one of your children now to bless me through music. Perhaps he's only come in here to praise You, perhaps with relaxation in mind, perhaps seeing me here writing will somehow encourage him or teach him a new truth about You? Only You know.

What kind of music do you play in heaven?
do you blend every song into one holy sound?
are there diferant styles of music represented at every moment?
perhaps you've placed a style for each mansion, and you move about hearing each one.

Sometimes i think..maybe we wont play instruments and things in heaven...mabye we wont dance like humans do...maybe we'll sing without voices...and it makes me want to take every oportunity on earth to do these earthly musical activities before i get there, just in case this is my only chance to worship THIS way.

I'm learning to love your music more and more...the more i know about it. That's why i'm here. That's why i take Music History and suffer through Mrs. Fortenberry's piano lessons each week. that's why i took chemestry and english...to be here learning your music and loveing you with it...
And to turn around and teach others to love you with music.Oh i pray...
please give me a ministry in my music...in teaching the language to young people. I want it now..i WANT this now. i realy do.

*sigh*
ah...i AM where i am meant to be.
i am doing what i am meant to do
and my only desire in it is to show others YOU.

Does it make sense to want to teach music in order to bring others a little closer to my God? probably not to most of the world...
will i make money? will i keep a job? will my family(future) be able to live from what i contribute from this?

God -- only -- knows